無意間在
索尼的部落閣看到關於24反恐任務的惡搞笑話，實在有夠好笑，趕緊轉錄翻譯過來。
24，台譯24小時反恐任務，講述像蟑螂一樣永遠打不死的男主角，美國反恐組組長傑克鮑爾一基佛蘇德蘭飾演一的反恐事蹟。每季24集，每集剛好都是現實世界的一小時(連廣告時間都算進去)，串起來剛好是男主角一整天的反恐過程。這些24反恐任務的惡趣味，大概只有看過該影集的人才能體會
。If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
。如果傑克鮑爾跟希特勒、史達林、妮娜梅爾關在同一個房間，而他有一把槍跟兩顆子彈，他會斃了妮娜兩次。
(註:妮娜梅爾檯面上是傑克鮑爾最信任的副手，實際上是被恐怖份子收買的臥底間諜，她不但誘惑傑克外遇，還殺了他的老婆)
。Jack Bauers calender goes from March 31st to April 2nd, no one fools Jack Bauer.
。傑克鮑爾的月曆沒有四月一日，因為沒有人騙的了傑克。
。Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
。如果傑克鮑爾忘了將鑰匙放在哪，接下來半個小時他會持續折磨自己，直到他供出鑰匙的位置(感謝chao解答)。
。Upon hearing that he was played by Kiefer Sutherland, Jack Bauer killed Sutherland. Jack Bauer gets played by no man.
。一旦聽到基佛蘇德蘭飾演自己，傑克鮑爾會殺了基佛，因為沒有人可以飾演傑克鮑爾。
(註:"飾演"也可以翻譯成"玩弄")
。If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
。如果你能在早上活著醒來...是因為傑克鮑爾饒了你一命(感謝Shannon的翻譯)
(註:??)
。When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer fucking hates lemonade.
。當傑克鮑爾有顆檸檬，他會用檸檬幹掉恐怖份子，因為傑克鮑爾超痛恨檸檬汁。
(註:參見下方回應)
。Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
。傑克鮑爾會帶裝滿子彈的槍去玩俄羅斯輪盤。
(註:第三季傑克鮑爾玩俄羅斯輪盤，本來該死的卻死不了)
。Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
。只要傑克鮑爾在，中東人都活不久。
(註:典故出處??)
。Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
。傑克鮑爾不會沉迷於海洛因，是海洛因沉迷於傑克鮑爾。
(註:第二季傑克鮑爾染上毒癮，卻完全無損於他的機智與戰力)
。In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the fuck have you done with your life?
。96個小時內，傑克鮑爾殺了93個壞人並拯救世界4次。螢幕前的你這輩子有幹過什麼好事?
(註:直到第四季完，傑克共殺了93人)
。Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
。殺害傑克鮑爾無法真的致他於死，只會激怒他。
(註:五季內傑克共死而復活了三次)
。When Jack Bauer goes to the airport and the metal detector doesn't go off, security gives him a gun.
。當傑克鮑爾去機場卻通不過金屬探測器檢驗時，海關警衛會直接送一把槍給他。
(註:傑克鮑爾不管去哪裡，都沒人敢擋，還會替他護航)
。Jack doesn't believe in Murphy's Law, only Bauer's Law: "Whatever CAN go wrong, WILL be resolved in a period of 24 hours."
。傑克鮑爾不相信莫非定律，只相信鮑爾定律:如果事情可能會出錯，24小時內一定會被解決。
(註:莫非定律-如果事情可能會出錯，那就一定會出錯)
。A standard deck now contains 48 cards. Too many people were getting hurt for trying to play Jack.
。現在撲克牌都只有48張牌。太多人因為想丟(玩弄)老J而受傷。
(註:老J英語原文就叫傑克)
。It's no use crying over spilt milk... Unless that was Jack Bauer's milk. Oh you are so screwed.
。為灑出來的牛奶哭是沒用的..除非那是傑克鮑爾的牛奶..ㄡ你慘了..(感謝Shannon, chao的翻譯)
(註: ??)
。Lets get one thing straight, the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
。老實說，你現在還能清醒著的原因是傑克鮑爾不想揹著你(而把你打昏)。
。Jack Bauer doesn't have a firewall on his PC. He has a Bauerwall. It's basically just a JPEG of Jack Bauer. No virus has ever attacked Jack Bauer's PC. Ever.
。傑克鮑爾的電腦不裝防火牆，裝鮑爾牆-基本上只是一張傑克的圖片。因為從沒有病毒能入侵他的電腦，從來沒有。
(註:第四季傑克感染瞬間致命的神經毒氣，結果還是沒死)
。If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then it's fucking beef.
。如果某種肉類的味道像雞肉，看起來像雞肉，感覺像雞肉，但傑克鮑爾說是牛肉，那塊肉絕對是牛肉。
。Withholding information from Jack Bauer is now classified as a suicide attempt.
。不向傑克鮑爾透露訊息會被視為自找死路。
(註:每次有人不想告訴傑克他需要的警訊，那個人一定會死)感謝chao解答。
。If Jack Bauer had been a Spartan the movie would have been called "1".
。如果傑克鮑爾曾是斯巴達人，那電影"斯巴達的逆襲"就會叫做"一個壯士"(一個抵三百個)。
(註:"三百壯士-斯巴達的逆襲"原英文片名是"300")
。Most people would need months to recover from 20 months of Chinese interrogation. Jack Bauer needs a shower, a shave and a change of clothes.
。大部分人經歷20個月的中國式逼供，通常需要好幾個月的休養才能復原。傑克鮑爾只需要沖個澡、刮個鬍子再換件衣服就康復了。
(註:第六季傑克被中共嚴刑逼供了20個月，卻一下子就復原了)
。When someone asks him how his day is going, Jack replies, "Previously, on 24..."
。當有人問傑克鮑爾:你今天過的如何，傑克會回答:以下是今天24小時的事前提要...。
(註:每集的開頭都是由傑克解說該集24小時的事前提要)
。Jack Bauer doesn't have a refresh button on his web browser. All events take place in real time.
。傑克鮑爾的網頁瀏覽器沒有"更新"這個按鈕，因為網頁裡面的內容全都是即時的。
如有人願意補充或發現翻譯錯誤，請不吝指教。
